I've been reading lots of books lately to enhance my leadership skills. And recently, in a book titled Leadership, by Pulitzer Prize winning author James McGregor I had an epiphany. The book says that Adolf Hitler, yeah, that guy with the Michael Jordan moustache, "the Fuhrer"...the reason that he struggled so violently to achieve power in this male-dominated world, was to compensate for a deformity that he had: Hitler was born with only one testicle. That's right, the reason that Adolf Hitler was so intent on the BIG take over which he almost accomplished through genocide during WW2, was because he felt inadequate as a man due to his lack of a pair of testicles. Was he blaming the Jews for his undescended teste? We'll get to that in a minute.
He might not have consciously known that his vicious drive to exterminate Jews, homosexuals, disabled people, and Freemasons through various forms of inhumane torture and calculated slaughter, was due to the mere fact that he only had one testicle, but, psychological analysis over the past century has proven this to be true. Hitler's missing testicle was at the very root of his anger and fury.
Upon further research, I found similar evidence about the pioneer of Kung Fu and one of the highest ranking martial artists/movie stars of all time: Bruce Lee. And friends, after another Google, I read that the ruthless Chinese dictator, Chairman Mao Zedong, was also suffering from Monorchism, which is the state of having only one testicle in the scrotum sac.
Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, and Bruce Lee, are three examples of the extreme Alpha Male with their testosterone level cranked up to 11. The missing testicle seemed to serve as a subconscious impetus for their overly masculine hunger for power, authority, and attention through strategicly aggresive behavior.
It's like the blind man who can hear better than any non-blind person because he can not see, and so his hearing intensifies due to lack of sight. Because of having only one testicle, the hormonal and psychological imbalance creates an exaggerated drive to conquer the world.
Not a pro-wrestler/bodybuilder type of manliness (although it is rumored via Google that Arnold Scharzeneggar is also a monorchid)...More like the way a number of friends of mine in high school would always assume that I was destined to be a cult leader. And that leads to my next point, which I really need to get off my chest:
As a man being born with only one testicle (gasp) and struggling his whole life to obtain wealth and power, when I read that bit about Hitler, it was like the proverbial light bulb popped up over my head. You see my friends, I have struggled for wealth and power/fame and fortune/sex,drugs, rock and roll/ and other demonic worldly intentions for a major part of my life, and might I say, with a very high level of intensity.
But then, along the way (more precisely, after running over a pedestrian with my car while driving intoxicated. The windshield of my car shattered as the man's body bounced onto the sidewalk and the car was covered with his blood. Between jail, getting dumped by ex-gf, losing job, my trial, my probation, The President's Reality Show, tens of thousands of dollars in fines and lawyer fees, feeling eschewed by society as the perpetrator of this heinous act, and then this New Life in Christ, I am filled with the Holy Spirit, I have come to serious terms with my eternal life in the spiritual realm, and my physical body), I met Jesus Christ, and I will never be the same again.
I have become a New Jason Handelsman, with one powerful supernatural testicle! Amen.
I am now more than ever, perfectly content with the way that God has designed me to be Jason. Now that I am 40 years old, I realize that missing a testicle is really not that big of a deal. Thank you Jesus.
In the Bible, Jesus says, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you!" I tried to fight Him for a quite a while, but I am not the Almighty Jason, He is the Almighty Jesus.
"But, Jason," you ask, "what does all of that have to do with you having only one testicle?"
Hold on, I am getting there. Now, unfortunately as I said, that worldly struggle for "success" prior to my Born Again experience, had led me to be a suicidal/self-destructive person and addicted to drugs while at the same time, on a Hitlerian quest for world domination (on an admittedly minor level, nonetheless).
As a side note: while I was in Poland in 2004, I was able to sample the chocolate covered amphetamines that Hitler was addicted to. But that's just a side note, we'll talk about that later.
While being a total "attention whore" and filming hundreds of hours of myself for an imaginary reality show: I basically experimented with everything sinful that the world had to offer, everything, and in fact, I lived the life of a proffessional sinner.
In 2005, I was possessed by the ghost of Ol Dirty Bastard, and had this rising career as a crack smoking whigger. I played shows, released 2 albums, and had a high level of punk rock authority over multitudes of people on the street. But not really. In my ego filled cerebrum, I was on the brink of taking over the world! Actually, that is what many homeless drug addicts believe as they wander the streets until the wee hours....maybe I need to reconsider this entry....
Glory to God. Thank you Jesus for transforming my life and renewing my mind. The New Jason is overdosing on Jesus Christ as we speak. The old Jason liked to steal things, he was a kleptomaniac, and a megalomaniac, destroyed his own and other people's lives, destroyed thousands of dollars of property, wore women's clothing in public places as the town drunkard, but then it all culminated when the old Jason ran over that man with his car while driving intoxicated, and like Hitler and Bruce Lee, the root of all this lay in my undescended testicle.
And you say, "Really, Jason? That is such a lame excuse."
Let me tell you something, it adds to the human experience when you subconsciously know that you only have one testicle and most of the other men have two balls. Subconsciously, because you don't really think or talk about it with anyone, except maybe your girlfriend.
Now that I know the cause of Hitler's uber-machismo aggresive behavior, it all makes sense, as being some sort of subconscious drive to overcome the psychological torture of feeling like half a man.
Jesus Christ has calmed me down like a Quallude from heaven, He has brought tranquility and peace into my life, He has shown me how to be cool with myself, to love myself. The Bible tells us, that Jesus sent the Holy Spirit, or "The Counselor" who proceeds from the Father, for this very purpose. I am filled with the Holy Spirit. When you begin having your free therapy sessions with The Counselor of the Spiritual Realm, your problems and adversities will be transfomed into positive blessings. He will bless you with love, joy, peace, patience, humility, self control, and much much more.
My friends, Are you ready to receive the Holy Spirit?
Hallelujah!